i don't like sucking hair
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I yelled at your uterus for you.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
