I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
