I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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