I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
