we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
