Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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