I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
being pregnant is like rehab
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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