i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
