he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
