I didn't shave. On purpose
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
