Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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