Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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