I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
