the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
