at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you win again, gameday.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
