Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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