When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
