So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
