Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
