she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
