took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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