I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize