tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
