the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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