Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize