508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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