im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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