when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
