I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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