Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
