i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
