after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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