you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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