Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
