KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
