I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
