You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize