I love black thongs
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
