I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
