before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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