I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
