I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i believe in u and ur pee
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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