My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
