8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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