I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize