I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
