So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize