she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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