Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
