I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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