halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize