I wanna bring you to show and tell
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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