You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
