you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize