I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
pop tarts are not kleenex
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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