Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
