I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
