Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
