Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
