Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
