your room smells of hookers.
And success
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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