im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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