I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
