I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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