You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
