I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
