2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
