Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
