You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
