At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
