The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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