Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
