I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love you. Go after that dick
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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