My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize