I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
