Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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