Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize