Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
